Normal shopping

Hi All-


Sorry for the absence. I have many a blog posts stored up in my mind but no time to write them down. In the meantime, here's a little somethin' somethin' to tide you over.


Yesterday, I went here. I went in expecting this. In there I found this, but without the studs and a little cuter. (sorry, couldn't find a picture)


Unfortunately, I have grotesquely wide feet.

So to Conclude
++=DISAPPOINTMENT



Luckily, I found and bought this. Which kept the trip from being a total bust and made my materialistic self happy.



P.S. My (literally) Anorexic coworker brought in Snickers' for everyone in the office to share today. I have suspicions that it might be leftovers from his trick or treatin' days.

Why we need The Ninja to return!

It seems this blog is a bit lopsided. No, this is not a reference to someone's weight. I am just saying that this was opened up as a joint blog between me, The Outlaw, and Jayne, The Ninja. Seeing that the last several posts have been from the not-so-enjoyable Outlaw, I dare say that we need to voice our opinion and DEMAND that The Ninja come back and post with all the power her ancestors and Buddha have blessed her with! So, do what you must, comment, harass, email, call, whatever. In the meantime, here is a little text conversation between Jayne and I had last week.

Jayne: You went to B-ful Jr. High, right? Did you ever have Valynne Bowers?

Spencer: No, I went to M-I-Double L-C-R-Double E-K [clap, clap] Millcreek!

Jayne: Hehe. Good cheer! I imagined you performing it right there in the salon. :D

Spencer: Well, I did. But in slow motion because I had to add in the dashes. Then I did it again in real time.

Jayne: Did anyone else join in? Cause I definitely would have.

Spencer: Well, they didn't know which school I was cheering for. They don't really know about MJH. But, it's cool. I don't judge.

30 Minutes Later

Spencer: Nielsen (name has been changed) blog so so boring. And she showers with the baby?!?! What?

Jayne: What?? Have not read that yet. Must read . . . now.

Jayne: Who showers with their baby?? At that age?! Hope she stops soon. And wow, he's "out of town" a lot.

Spencer: [Talking to them] on webcam with his manstress in the bed behind him.

Jayne: Ahahahahaha. "Manstress"

Jayne: Affair: Fail!

I laughed one time, I really did!

I was on time to work today--correction, I was 5 minutes early. So, suck it!


Sometimes I wonder if my job is as important as I make it sound. Yeah, I work for the dean of one of BYU's largest colleges but, what does that even mean? It should mean making important phone calls, attending posh meetings, writing formal letters, etc. Rather, I spend my time longing to be on the mountain right outside my office door.

As of now, my Facebook status reads: "should I be this bored right now?" I know I am bored when I no longer want to listen to the 4 illegally downloaded cd's on my work computer so I have to maneuver my arm under the desk to the back of the computer to unplug the speakers so I can plug it into my iPod. You're thinking, "why in blue blazes is someone doing such a stupid thing when you can plug your iPod right into the front of your computer?!?!" Well, Wondering Wilma, my iPod is formatted for my mac and since a PC is not smart enough to read that format, I have to result to more drastic measures--PC SURGERY! (or would it be grafting?)

After class I am running away! I'm going to the promised land where milk and honey flow in abundance. I'm going home. If I didn't have to go to work on a project, then I'd drive far, far away. Perhaps Russia? I really need to get away so, if I go missing, I'm not dead. I've only escaped the dregs of life and I've hopped onto a bus full of rest home residents.

(See, THIS is why I go home. It's beautiful, wonderful, quiet, perfect!)

Until then, I will re-reorganize my desk, make a few prank phone calls, and listen to Rachael Yamagata allowing the lyrics to truthfully describe my less-than-stellar Wednesday morning.

Confession: I was going to write this post with the intent of complaining about how I am tired of complainers. Hmm, hypocrisy at its best!

Activity day just isn't what it used to be

I know that last week I "acted out" with my post about how I hate BYU. Okay, I don't HATE BYU more like BYU has contributed to my depression and lack of self-esteem. But how can you blame me for feeling blue when my university has a student alumni association which offers activities like this:That's right kids, a PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE DINNER! Business attire is required.

What about other schools around this great state? They get to do stuff like this:

• University of Utah: Humanities Happy Hour. Now in its seventh year, the Humanities Happy Hour is retaining its status as the most infamous of community and alumni activities. Join us every third Tuesday of the month at Squatters brewpub for excellent food, lively conversation, the best beverages in the state (for those who imbibe), and the timely, timeless, and always provocative Intellectual Hors d’oeuvres- a ten minute talk by College of Humanities faculty and Salt Lake Community Members.
• Utah Valley University: Concert(s). Face it, no other institute of higher education in Utah Valley will host main stream music. Honestly, BYUSA, battle of the bands was so last decade!
• Utah State University: Possibly more boring than BYU. Sorry, scoped out their website for events. The flute choir sounds more BYUish than singing hymns on Sunday night in the Marriott tunnel. This might be the only time I am grateful I am at BYU.
  
• Southern Utah University: Vagina Monologues. 'Nuff said.

So, while I'm "kickin' it with honor" I hope none of you get jealous that your student ID card won't get you into such high profile events.

*Note on battle of the bands: "The annual battle of for the title of the best band at BYU. After a round of tryouts, eight finalists perform in this show." Also, keep in mind these bands are to re-create LDS hymns in rock-band-style while keeping the sacred nature of these hymns in mind.

Another Reason To Hate BYU!

I hate BYU. I have since the day I stepped foot on campus. I wont name specific reasons why; I fear that I will cause unneeded stress between important people. Today, I stepped into the I.D. Card Center so that I might get my new student I.D. which is required, by law, for all students to renew. Hand over your old I.D. Answer the following questions: Have you shaved today? I said no. The attendant asked me to leave. I even mentioned to her that I never shave daily, I can't. I would shave off my skin if I did that. Here is a picture of my face one hour AFTER I attempted to get my new I.D.

Dear BYU I.D. center,
There are many reasons as to why I should have been turned away from your office today. Here is MY list of reasons. 1) I have acne problems. I even think I may have a zit inside my nose! 2) My eyebrows are overgrown. 3) My teeth are less white due to my obsession of drinking CAFFINE. Asking me if I was on my first day shave is like asking a girl if she is on the first day of her period. Are you serious? I've never been asked to leave the testing center, my office, the library, nor even church (even though sometimes I wouldn't mind if asked to leave).

Look at this (offensive/annoying/self-righteous?) advertisement on the door of the I.D. center:
As my friend Curtis said, "Who's quote is this anyway?" I never want to be friends with any of these people involved in this poster. I am afraid I might scare them away with my wild, immodest behaviors--not to mention my excess facial hair.

Too Much Education

Today in psych class we discussed the topic of what kept a marriage alive. Due to some of the key points that were given, I now know why my parents are still together.

1. Communication-My parents often communicate. They communicate loudly and in my mom's case, shrilly.

2. Trust-My parents display their trust for each other by writing down their schedules on a piece of paper for the entire week and sticking it on the fridge. Should either spouse diviate from that schedule in even the slightest, interrogation begins as soon as he/she walks in the door. I see this also as their special way of showing love to each other.

3. Intimacy-My parents are not very intimate people, a fact that I was very grateful for. However, I was mistaken. They only APPEAR to be distant in their affections.

• Proof: This morning, I left my house for school a little later than usual. I'm usually pretty quiet in the mornings, a detail that escaped my parents' attention in the 21 years that they've known me. In the middle of eating my cereal in the kitchen, I started hearing giggling coming from my parents' room. As the giggling grew louder and more frequent, I crammed bigger and bigger spoonfuls of Frosted Mini Wheats into my mouth in hopes that I could finish faster. Finally, as the giggling turned into full on roars of laughter and squeals, I just left my unfinished cereal where it was and rushed to grab my backpack so I could leave. During the frantic seach for my keys, I didn't notice that suddenly, there was silence in the house. Then, I heard my mom call out, "Jayne? Are you still here?" In my panicked state I squeaked, "Not anymore!" and ran towards the garage. Before the door could finished closing, I heard the giggling resume. Lovely.

And if that wasn't enough to brighten my day, I was informed by the Daily Universe (BYU Newspaper) today that the average marrying age for LDS women is 21.5. So in about two months, I'll be the LDS equivalent of a spinster. Don't worry, I already have my mumus prepared and my depression waiting.

Static Cling

Every morning I park far away from campus, farther than desired. God's University should have come with parking garages and shuttle buses. Instead it comes with uneven pavement and ramps, lots and lots of ramps. We are a handicapped friendly school! Which brings me to point one . . .

1) Trekking to humanities is more a ritualistic process. I park next to Jayne, we step out into the frigid air, make some snide remark about the person walking in front of us, and then frown at our failed attempt to try to be more kind. But, one particular morning the steps, which descend onto the holy ground, were covered in ice. I was feeling particularly raunchy that morning--my oatmeal was stale. By this point in our walk Jayne and I were talking about scholarships or jazzy wheelchairs or all of the above. I have decided it would be fortuitous for me to slip on the ice, break my spine, get a jazzy chair, and get a scholarship for being "lame". Additional positives to being immobile, Jayne would have a free ride from car to campus and I could completely take advantage of the ramps and gentle slopes around campus.

2) Friday morning I was a little late to work--common. I was speed walking down the spiral bridge across "Campus Drive" or "Bulldog" or whatever that road is called. *Note: SPEED WALKING not running because running is not acceptable. The girl walking up the ramp had a horrible case of static cling. Her skirt was somewhere between her upper thigh and her upper, upper thigh. Poor girl. The only redeeming part of her outfit was her Young Woman's medallion. I know static cling exists and the church is true!

So, if you ever doubt that BYU is THE BEST, don't!