Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Activity day just isn't what it used to be

I know that last week I "acted out" with my post about how I hate BYU. Okay, I don't HATE BYU more like BYU has contributed to my depression and lack of self-esteem. But how can you blame me for feeling blue when my university has a student alumni association which offers activities like this:That's right kids, a PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE DINNER! Business attire is required.

What about other schools around this great state? They get to do stuff like this:
  • University of Utah: Humanities Happy Hour. Now in its seventh year, the Humanities Happy Hour is retaining its status as the most infamous of community and alumni activities. Join us every third Tuesday of the month at Squatters brewpub for excellent food, lively conversation, the best beverages in the state (for those who imbibe), and the timely, timeless, and always provocative Intellectual Hors d’oeuvres- a ten minute talk by College of Humanities faculty and Salt Lake Community Members.
  • Utah Valley University: Concert(s). Face it, no other institute of higher education in Utah Valley will host main stream music. Honestly, BYUSA, battle of the bands was so last decade!
  • Utah State University: Possibly more boring than BYU. Sorry, scoped out their website for events. The flute choir sounds more BYUish than singing hymns on Sunday night in the Marriott tunnel. This might be the only time I am grateful I am at BYU.
  • Southern Utah University: Vagina Monologues. 'Nuff said.
So, while I'm "kickin' it with honor" I hope none of you get jealous that your student ID card won't get you into such high profile events.

*Note on battle of the bands: "The annual battle of for the title of the best band at BYU. After a round of tryouts, eight finalists perform in this show." Also, keep in mind these bands are to re-create LDS hymns in rock-band-style while keeping the sacred nature of these hymns in mind.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Another Reason To Hate BYU!

I hate BYU. I have since the day I stepped foot on campus. I wont name specific reasons why; I fear that I will cause unneeded stress between important people. Today, I stepped into the I.D. Card Center so that I might get my new student I.D. which is required, by law, for all students to renew. Hand over your old I.D. Answer the following questions: Have you shaved today? I said no. The attendant asked me to leave. I even mentioned to her that I never shave daily, I can't. I would shave off my skin if I did that. Here is a picture of my face one hour AFTER I attempted to get my new I.D.

Dear BYU I.D. center,
There are many reasons as to why I should have been turned away from your office today. Here is MY list of reasons. 1) I have acne problems. I even think I may have a zit inside my nose! 2) My eyebrows are overgrown. 3) My teeth are less white due to my obsession of drinking CAFFINE. Asking me if I was on my first day shave is like asking a girl if she is on the first day of her period. Are you serious? I've never been asked to leave the testing center, my office, the library, nor even church (even though sometimes I wouldn't mind if asked to leave).

Look at this (offensive/annoying/self-righteous?) advertisement on the door of the I.D. center:
As my friend Curtis said, "Who's quote is this anyway?" I never want to be friends with any of these people involved in this poster. I am afraid I might scare them away with my wild, immodest behaviors--not to mention my excess facial hair.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Too Much Education

Today in psych class we discussed the topic of what kept a marriage alive. Due to some of the key points that were given, I now know why my parents are still together.

1. Communication-My parents often communicate. They communicate loudly and in my mom's case, shrilly.

2. Trust-My parents display their trust for each other by writing down their schedules on a piece of paper for the entire week and sticking it on the fridge. Should either spouse diviate from that schedule in even the slightest, interrogation begins as soon as he/she walks in the door. I see this also as their special way of showing love to each other.

3. Intimacy-My parents are not very intimate people, a fact that I was very grateful for. However, I was mistaken. They only APPEAR to be distant in their affections.

  • Proof: This morning, I left my house for school a little later than usual. I'm usually pretty quiet in the mornings, a detail that escaped my parents' attention in the 21 years that they've known me. In the middle of eating my cereal in the kitchen, I started hearing giggling coming from my parents' room. As the giggling grew louder and more frequent, I crammed bigger and bigger spoonfuls of Frosted Mini Wheats into my mouth in hopes that I could finish faster. Finally, as the giggling turned into full on roars of laughter and squeals, I just left my unfinished cereal where it was and rushed to grab my backpack so I could leave. During the frantic seach for my keys, I didn't notice that suddenly, there was silence in the house. Then, I heard my mom call out, "Jayne? Are you still here?" In my panicked state I squeaked, "Not anymore!" and ran towards the garage. Before the door could finished closing, I heard the giggling resume. Lovely.

And if that wasn't enough to brighten my day, I was informed by the Daily Universe (BYU Newspaper) today that the average marrying age for LDS women is 21.5. So in about two months, I'll be the LDS equivalent of a spinster. Don't worry, I already have my mumus prepared and my depression waiting.