Paranoia

Here's a conversation between Spencer and I that happened almost a year ago. For some reason it just popped up in my head this morning and to this day, it still never fails to make me chuckle. We went up to Spencer's house in Bountiful to spend the weekend. He had brought his laundry home so he had his hands full when we got out of the car. He asked me to key in the code to open his garage door. Here's how the conversation went:

Spencer: Can you key in the code to the garage door?
Me: (opening the cover and getting ready to push the buttons) Ok, what is it?
Spencer: 9465* wait no! 67 wait, 65!
Me: WHAT?? What are you doing?!
Spencer: I didn't want the robbers to hear!
Me: (trying so hard to stop laughing) WHAT ROBBERS?!

Some people are just a little paranoid, and you know what? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just make sure to carry all of their stuff, watch carefully as they key in the code themselves, and then email that code to everyone you know.


*Code changed in order to protect the privacy of Spencer Cawley's home from robbers

Diligent studying

Spencer and I like to study together. (Well, I enjoy studying with him, I don't know if my feelings are reciprocated) I believe it keeps us focused. And by focused I mean we only get distracted a couple of times an hour instead of once every fifteen minutes. Occasionally one of us will nudge the other in order to share something interesting we found on either Facebook (Spencer), or PEOPLE (Me). If there isn't anything exciting on either of those websites, we then resort to watching the people around us and pointing out the ones that fascinate us. You might think that it is as though I'm speaking of cattle when I talk about BYU students in such a way. But in a sense, they are. Mooing around in the library, sniffing each other's butts trying to mate, and then having the audacity to call it "dating." Don't bring that nonsense onto campus. NEWS: That's what church and FHE is for.

ANYWAY

A few weeks back, Spencer and I were studying in the kitchen at his house. It was around 9 o'clock at night when I finished with all of my assignments. I caught up on my celebrity news, and when that was done, I turned to legitimate news. You can imagine my distress when after reading EVERYTHING (that was interesting) about the 29th of March, Spencer was STILL working hard on his landscaping project. So I kept myself entertained by taking videos on my cell phone.


Note to self: Work a little harder on your school work and you won't look like a fool.

Social Okainess

There is a growing trend in the online connected community: Cyberbullying.



Ok, ok I am not referring to that. However, I am referring to the constant life altering announcements made through blogs, myspace, and facebook. Mormons are most guilty of this. Everything is a big deal to them. Once again, I am not talking about facebook status messages like, "Kevin is getting his Eagle award" or "Stephanie is teaching her first enrichment lesson" or (my personal favorite) "Stacy is bummed for her 7:00 am service council meeting. :'(" I am talking about making a public announcement about something BIG before actually using your vocal chords to tell people. Yes people, I am talking about your pregnancies, your engagements, your deaths, your life-altering events. What I am trying to say is this, you are using the same tactic as Cyberbullying to announce things that should be told in person. Come on, are we THAT lazy that we can't write a letter to our friends or send out a normal, non electronic invite to Nephew Harold's bah mitzvah? Let me ask everyone to do something, think about life before facebook. I know, it was hard for you to imagine that social aloneness for too long. I fought a battle with a small bout of depression when I contemplated life with out social connection utilities. So, cyber friends, do me a solid and make a conservative effort to announce things the traditional way before announcing it to the World Wide Web.

Oh, a quick side note, looks like my pretend grandmother from the Hamptons is actually real. I found out through my mother's facebook status.

I have no desire to hear from you again.

I guess this blog has turned into more of my monthly rantings. Who reads it anyway other than my pretend grandmother who lives in a classy home in the Hamptons. This morning I logged on to blackboard to check up on my grades. I have been finished with finals for 3 days now. However, the Humanities TA (who is male and comments on rippling muscles) has yet to update the grades. He asked for us to email him with the scores of the assignments missing. In his words (actually paraphrasing here), "Since you claim to have turned in all assignments, you must have misplaced them when you turned them in." Ok, so I misplaced them in that ONE pile at the front of the room? Hum, maybe if you spent less time on the ripply muscles and more time on what you are paid to do, we wouldn't have this issue. Anyway, to my dismay, the missing scores have still not been updated; I email him last week. BUT, he was able to put up the scores to our final papers. My sweat, blood, and tears when into that paper. The result, a mediocre (acceptable) score with absolutely no justification for the score given. Tell me, Internet, why is it that a professor gets all the credit for teaching the class and determining the grades when it's the TA who is piddling around with the red pen and imaginary rubric? I am making a call to all professors to hand out a rubric with their assignments. If you have expectations, you best be telling your students what those expectations are. Grading does not have to be subjective.

In addition to the moronic TA, I have had to deal with the worst of the worst today at work. 'Girl 'A wanted to be reimbursed for $600 of traveling costs. We agreed to help her with that but she is required to show proof of purchase. She claimed she could not get a copy of a particular receipt. SO, I prepared a missing receipt affidavit, sent her an email asking her to come in to sign it, and basically made the procedure as painless as possible. She griped the whole time about how I didn't understand what was going on. Hum, listen girly, I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN COMPLAIN TODAY!

'Girl B' walked into my office and asked to see the dean. "Have you made an appointment? Is there a particular reason you need to see him?" Her response, "I just need to." Oh, you bet, let me run right in to his office and tell him to drop EVERYTHING. This one student needs to talk to you. Her reason for seeing the dean: she needed to take a final in our conference room. Yep, as the receptionist and the person that schedules the room, I could never have answered that question for you.

'Man C' comes in to the office all panicked. "Why is no one here for the meeting at 2?" Ok, calm down. I have never seen you before so let's start from the beginning . . . "What meeting?" Once again, no meeting was scheduled in the room that I schedule. I even asked him if a specific person was going to be in that meeting. He said, no. Then the associate dean walked out of his office and asked him the same question. Man C said, "Why, yes he is going to be there." WHAT?!?! Do I look that incapable?

And finally, 'Professor D' walked in and asked if anyone would be available on Monday to sign is ever so important grant proposal. I told him yes. His response, "Are you sure?" My response, "You caught me! No one will be here on Monday. In fact no one is here right now. This is just a hologram!"

I hope I don't lose my job.

Normal shopping

Hi All-


Sorry for the absence. I have many a blog posts stored up in my mind but no time to write them down. In the meantime, here's a little somethin' somethin' to tide you over.


Yesterday, I went here. I went in expecting this. In there I found this, but without the studs and a little cuter. (sorry, couldn't find a picture)


Unfortunately, I have grotesquely wide feet.

So to Conclude
++=DISAPPOINTMENT



Luckily, I found and bought this. Which kept the trip from being a total bust and made my materialistic self happy.



P.S. My (literally) Anorexic coworker brought in Snickers' for everyone in the office to share today. I have suspicions that it might be leftovers from his trick or treatin' days.

Why we need The Ninja to return!

It seems this blog is a bit lopsided. No, this is not a reference to someone's weight. I am just saying that this was opened up as a joint blog between me, The Outlaw, and Jayne, The Ninja. Seeing that the last several posts have been from the not-so-enjoyable Outlaw, I dare say that we need to voice our opinion and DEMAND that The Ninja come back and post with all the power her ancestors and Buddha have blessed her with! So, do what you must, comment, harass, email, call, whatever. In the meantime, here is a little text conversation between Jayne and I had last week.

Jayne: You went to B-ful Jr. High, right? Did you ever have Valynne Bowers?

Spencer: No, I went to M-I-Double L-C-R-Double E-K [clap, clap] Millcreek!

Jayne: Hehe. Good cheer! I imagined you performing it right there in the salon. :D

Spencer: Well, I did. But in slow motion because I had to add in the dashes. Then I did it again in real time.

Jayne: Did anyone else join in? Cause I definitely would have.

Spencer: Well, they didn't know which school I was cheering for. They don't really know about MJH. But, it's cool. I don't judge.

30 Minutes Later

Spencer: Nielsen (name has been changed) blog so so boring. And she showers with the baby?!?! What?

Jayne: What?? Have not read that yet. Must read . . . now.

Jayne: Who showers with their baby?? At that age?! Hope she stops soon. And wow, he's "out of town" a lot.

Spencer: [Talking to them] on webcam with his manstress in the bed behind him.

Jayne: Ahahahahaha. "Manstress"

Jayne: Affair: Fail!

I laughed one time, I really did!

I was on time to work today--correction, I was 5 minutes early. So, suck it!


Sometimes I wonder if my job is as important as I make it sound. Yeah, I work for the dean of one of BYU's largest colleges but, what does that even mean? It should mean making important phone calls, attending posh meetings, writing formal letters, etc. Rather, I spend my time longing to be on the mountain right outside my office door.

As of now, my Facebook status reads: "should I be this bored right now?" I know I am bored when I no longer want to listen to the 4 illegally downloaded cd's on my work computer so I have to maneuver my arm under the desk to the back of the computer to unplug the speakers so I can plug it into my iPod. You're thinking, "why in blue blazes is someone doing such a stupid thing when you can plug your iPod right into the front of your computer?!?!" Well, Wondering Wilma, my iPod is formatted for my mac and since a PC is not smart enough to read that format, I have to result to more drastic measures--PC SURGERY! (or would it be grafting?)

After class I am running away! I'm going to the promised land where milk and honey flow in abundance. I'm going home. If I didn't have to go to work on a project, then I'd drive far, far away. Perhaps Russia? I really need to get away so, if I go missing, I'm not dead. I've only escaped the dregs of life and I've hopped onto a bus full of rest home residents.

(See, THIS is why I go home. It's beautiful, wonderful, quiet, perfect!)

Until then, I will re-reorganize my desk, make a few prank phone calls, and listen to Rachael Yamagata allowing the lyrics to truthfully describe my less-than-stellar Wednesday morning.

Confession: I was going to write this post with the intent of complaining about how I am tired of complainers. Hmm, hypocrisy at its best!